What is a Policeman?


“A Policeman is a composite of what all men are I guess, a mingling of a saint and sinner, dust and deity.

Culled statistics wave the fan over stinkers, underscore instances of dishonesty and brutality because they are “news”. What that really means is that they are exceptional, they are unusual, they are not commonplace

Buried under the froth is the fact: and the fact is that less than one-half of one percent of policemen misfit that uniform. and that a better average than you’d find among clergymen.


What is a policeman? He, of all men, is at once the most needed and the most wanted. A strangely nameless creature who is “sir” to his face and “pig” or worse behind his back.


He must be such a diplomat that he can settle differences between individuals so that each will think he won but…If the policeman is neat, he’s conceited; if he’s careless, he’s a bum. If he’s pleasant, he’s a flirt, if not, he’s a grouch.


He must make an instant decisions which would require months for a lawyer But…If he hurries, he’s careless; if he’s deliberate, he’s lazy. He must be first to an accident, infallible with a diagnosis. He must be able to start breathing, stop bleeding, tie splints and, above all, be sure the victim goes home without a limp. Or expect to be sued.


The police officer must know every gun, draw on the run, and hit where it doesn’t hurt. He must be able to whip two men twice his size and half his age without damaging his uniform and without being “brutal”. If you hit him, he’s a coward. If he hits you, he’s a bully.


A policeman must know everything- and not tell. He must know where all of the sin is and not partake.


The policeman, from a single human hair, must be able to describe the crime, the weapon, the criminal- and tell you where the criminal is hiding

But…If he catches the criminal, he’s lucky; if he doesn’t, he’s a dunce. If he gets promoted, he has political pull; if he doesn’t, he’s a dullard. The policeman must chase bum leads to a dead-end, stake out ten nights to tag one witness who saw it happen- but refuses to remember. He runs files and write reports until his eyes ache to build a case against some felon who will get dealed out by a shameless shamus or an honorable who isn’t hororable.  The policeman must be a minister, a social worker, a diplomat, a tough guy and a gentleman.


And, of course, he’ll have to be a genius. because he’ll have to feed a family on a policeman’s salary.”

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